“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”
―
Mahatma Gandhi
A couple of weeks ago I attended my 40th high school reunion from my alma mater Owego Free Academy in the town of Owego, NY. Going to these reunions periodically have been difficult when I have hooked into any number of disempowering contexts and internal monologues about that time in my life. This year I really wanted to go. There was something shifting in my life that had something occur to me...this is where the seeds to how I think and be. So what a gift to have the chance to connect again.
For the reunion I took on the social media side of inviting people. It was fabulous to start to plant the possibility of seeing one another again. Who would come? What great adventures will everyone have gone through? Who are we all now? I saw the opportunity to not only embrace the angst of our teens but feel to excitement of learning about these incredible people who part of my life journey.
At our dinner, I received this eraser as a fun gift for supporting the invitations on the social media side. Oh how I laughed! So perfect for a women who use to think she was a big mistake who landed on this planet. Times certainly have changed!! Now I live for walking through the mistakes in my life with dignity and grace and forgiveness not only of others, but for myself too! I placed it on my sacred altar when I got home as a reminder, the past is the past and does not need to take hold of the present. It also does not need to shape the future!
This small token of love and appreciation has become a touchstone I can look at and smile. I have noticed how much not only I, but many people hate making mistakes and failure feels like death. One of the beauties of creating our own unique selves is we can let go of our mistakes, assess the gaps that created them showing up, incorporate the lessons and move forward. Letting go is like using a big eraser and I get to start over and reinvent whatever I am up to.
As an artist, erasers were and still are my best friend. The stroke of the pencil or pen can be erased away no matter what. So the canvas or piece of paper can always be blank or able to be recrafted. Gesso over the canvas of paint creates a new surface to begin again. An yet, we hold our mistakes in life like they can never be attempted ever again. Oh how I wished I had had this wisdom, this knowledge of starting over as being unlimited in my youth.
So where do you not allow yourself to start over? What are you holding on to that you are unwilling to let go of so you can begin again? What is in the way of letting in the unlimited wisdoms waiting for you.
For me, this blog is an interesting place to start over and over again. Saying something new. Getting back in the game of writing. A chance to continue to play with life and the boundless opportunities we can create for not only ourselves, but the contribution we are to others when we breakthrough an area we feel we always fail in.
The reunion and this gift will be a reminder to me. The dialogues with people were rich, fun, at times outrageously funny and humbling. The stories showed how much we all have grown and love our small town. I left with a wisdom I shall now hold forever...that through dialogue and a stand of love and compassion for all people, life can be a fresh canvas to continue to invent our lives with over and over and over again. It merely takes courage and the capacity to start saying something new about one's past.
How can you speak something that you have failed at newly? How can you begin to share your life in a way that empowers you and those you love?
Have fun with this! Make as many mistakes as you can. Clean up when you need to and when you are clear it is warranted. And by all means....when someone else makes a mistake, hand them and eraser to start over too.
Blessings to all! And to all of my classmates.....thank you for the gift you are to me and one another.
My son made this casting years ago, then as with what happens with treasured items, it ended up in my office on a shelf. Today as I chose to start writing my blog again it seemed an appropriate find to be rediscovered.
I love writing my thoughts and ideas. I love sharing thoughts and ideas with many of the people I work with and meet. Combining the two however, writing and sharing, have in the past seemed scary or dangerous. It is like putting your heart on the table hoping no one will think it is something to attack, eat or kill. I guess growing up in a household as a young girl, with a father that hunted, would support those images in my mind. after all in many cultures the first thing to be cooked and consumed after a hunting expedition is the heart, to feed the hunter.
None the less, I just finished a writing course with the lovely Kirsten Moeller who wrote the book Waiting for Jack. I realized in listening to her that This fear, or dilemma was present for everyone who really has something to share with others. Whether I am to write a book on the spiritual side of weight loss, one my big loves Typography, or just teach any number of things I am putting myself out there in to the world with an opinion or viewpoint that may not be something everyone is open to. Okay....got it! Now what? Shut up, put my fingers on the key board and write. So...here I am again!
Much has happened over the last year that brought my life, and many of the things I hold about human beings to a screeching halt! I have never felt so stopped before in my life. Rising above it all with my upstate NY, Annie Get Your Gun kind of attitude was no longer useful and I could not even access it. My business was slow, too much time alone to think and dwell is never a good thing for me. So what was going to support me in moving forward and ungluing my feet from the ground.
Writing? Art? Meditation? Walking? A combination of it all? It was and at times still is uncertain. However, the one thing peeking its head around the corner, nervously tipping into my world again, are my friends and communities. Not the ones I typically would participate in like business or colleagues. It is that group of people who have been waiting for me to figure out what was really important to me. What is showing up is a step back into family, and longtime relationships. Learning to laugh in the company of old friends who know you and are generally standing next to you when you really mess up. It is cutting down our holiday tree with my son and good friends. It is learning to share again with the one man who is dearest to me.
Sometimes, we need to lay low, let life go by, and then find out how to reinvent ourselves. So this claw is one of the Beaver. For me the Beaver builds, tears things apart, and rebuild again. When they build their damns across waterways, the action of the water stops, overflows the damn and it all falls apart again. The Beaver creates constant transformation of the physical world, its home and its environment.
Hmmm??? Interesting. As I have started to move forward the first thing I have done is begun to transform the physical space around me. Cleaning closets and drawers, toting books being thrown out to book bins, enrolling the family to complete old house projects such as rehanging pictures, finishing trim work from remodeling efforts and so on. Literally the old adage of getting one's house in order has taken on a new meaning.
What creature is a metaphor for where you are in your life right now? Take a look. Learn about them. Put some of their habits and lessons into practice and see what changes for you.
And in the mean time...spent time just being. That is where the magic can begin again and again.
One of the things I have learned is that all of life is a dance and sometimes I am great a it and sometimes I am not. As a former gymnast, I learned some dance when I was young. I love dancing even today. It is a way to feel totally expressed, full in one's self and a way to be present with another human being. Dance as in life means working together with life's partners and those who cross your path on a daily basis.
For those who are professional dancers there is much practice. Whether one is an engineer, doctor, artist, parent or whatever, a large amount of time is devoted to practicing techniques and learn to do the job well. When I look at the dance of communications with other human beings there are few trainings teaching how to be present authentically as one's self in the moment to gracefully glide with the partner you are in the communication's dance with. Many courses teach techniques and tips that amount to mostly knowing how to get one up on the another or have great come backs. I find though that if you communicate from just that place it will fail pretty quickly. It is like learning the moves and not learning to implement authentically.
What if life period was a series of practices?!?! Nothing was ever perfect 1000%. How would you live your life? Practice allows one to fail, not do things right, learn to recraft you are doing to have the results happen. Practice allows for celebrating the small steps of mastery you gain. Practice allows for us to learn many ways to do things too!
I own a design and marketing company. I have to practice so many things on a daily basis to grow and develop myself. There are many new programs to learn, printing methods, marketing trends, web design tips and so on. One of my favorite things is to see what needs to happen, what is missing and on goingly practice and create what is possible. There are situations I am really great at handling and others that I am horrible at! It is the places I am horrible at that I am committed to growth and development in. What if like children, human beings could be hungry all of the time for the wonder and fun of learning?
One of the things I love to practice is how to just be present in a situation. To really be in the other person's world and listen to them. Gosh, we are all built like little machines! We can be counted on to react the same way every time we are in the same or close to the same situation when we are not listening...really listening.
For instance, even though I have trained for years in ontological conversations and dialogue, if someone really yells at me all of my reactions will come up. I will cry, feel ashamed and so on. Old patterns come flying out of the woodwork. It is an area of my life I am training myself in. Building some muscle in. I am gaining some ability to stay present in the moment and realize none of this has much to do with me. It is a place in life where I am still learning the communication's dance.
Where are you learning the communication's dance in life? Where have you gained mastery? What is the next level you are looking to develop? Where do you fail consistently? What training do you need? Are you creating the training or busily being a complaint about it all?
In the previous blog post I shared about integrity. Well having integrity is about creating an empowering context in any situation with our word. Where do you not feel empowered or inspired when you communicate? Where do you not feel heard?
Here is a simple practice and a place to start....
Make a list of all of the places in your life you do not feel heard. Sit with it for a couple of days. Then make a list of all of the general things about life you do not like to listen to or about. Let that sit for a day. Then make a list of what you hate listening to from your friends, colleagues and family.
Now....sit and compare the lists. With a highlighter mark what looks the same on each list? I find whatever I hate listening to may be something I myself am doing! I can either be a persistent complaint about it or do something to move it forward. What I get upset with others about just may be something I have no muscle in handling either. When I notice what those things are, I then have to look and see if I am committed to creating a shift in how I handle it. If I do then I get to work to train myself and learn to dance in settings like that! How awesome!!!!!!!!!!
Be kind to yourself while in training. There is no perfect. No one has mastery in this. We are not born with manuals that tell us how to be human. Being is learned. Whether we are fast learners or not...what is guaranteed is that we will learn, gain some mastery, slip up, make mistakes, want to quit, keep going, repeat the past or invent the breakthroughs we need to for transformation to occur! We get to choose!
In the meantime...all there is to do is have fun with it all...'cuz...life is magic!
I love this picture! It reminds me of what it feels like to be a chicken and at the same time goofy enough to stand up, out from the crowd and be yourself! I bought it from a photographer on istockphoto.com.
Sometimes when I look at my past, and I wonder how I got to where I am. Not necessarily about my career and family, but in looking at the people in the various circles in life in which I am connected. Each circle and person have taught and continue to teach me special gifts that support my own continuing growth. At times, in sweet kind, loving ways. then in other groups, the lessons are harsh, cruel, relentless and at times mean. Some feel fun, and some do not.
For all of these lessons I am grateful and work to create continued gratitude for the experiences. Some of the lessons have stuck and created a better world for myself and my family. Lately however, I am throwing many of the lessons out, shifting gears. The insights and lessons have taught me great things, made me stronger and now I question if those ways of being are mine to own any longer. A life and opportunity to create a world of gratitude are all around me right now. There is peace there and all I need to do is stand in being someone who is grateful and loving. Standing in anything less makes me feel small and not in my own skin. This is someone I know, the skin fits perfectly. There is wholeness.
These days as I step into new promises for my life, I look to what draws me to be that person. I am no longer interested in circles filled with drama llama types, angry people who project their thoughts on others or unkind people. No vampiric beings only interested in themselves begging me to come save them at ungodly hours of the day or night. No battle axes who are only interested in telling me who I am or what I am doing that is wrong or worse, threatening me if I do not do it their way. It feels nice though at times I wait for the shoe to drop and someone around me to morph into likenesses of these images.
While I can love and care about the people in these circles, I just am not fed by chasing fires, or jumping through hoops to prove myself or to be like some sort of creature who needs to take on the ways of others to be loved. I am perfectly lovable just the way I am and I am clear there are many dear ones who love me deeply. So why would I want anything different!
Sometimes I can blindside myself though. One reason I might suck into what I am not committed to is it is a way to show myself and others I cannot do it. A self sabotage mechanism. It will allow the old me to make myself wrong about being able to transform my life and give others the power of reminding me that people cannot change. Wow! How sad that is but we all do it to a degree or so. I also could stay entangled in the web of the familiar world of being a victim. Not owning myself. Not standing for my dreams and living in a world of shame and blame. Holy cow!!!! I am so not committed to that one! Ick!
Tonight a colleague said to me..."Shifting your paradigm creates temporary chaos as those around you struggle to avoid changing their relationship with you. Hang in there - they will adapt. It's like a flock of birds on a wire - one moves and the others rise up in a fuss but they all settle down again in new relative positions."
LOL! Thank you my friend for that analogy! I giggled! It is so true.
So here I am, promising to be one who inspires and empowers others to love the magic of their lives and dreams! If you can't deal with that...too bad. Be careful of me....I might dangerously infect your sensibilities!
Next thing you know....you will start to see the miracles of your life!
Sometimes stuff happens that is totally out of alignment with who you are, what you stand for and how you think life should go. It can happen in an instant. Blind side you and maybe even turn a great day quickly. Yesterday, or what still feels like today I had one of these. My teachings and trainings inform me I can chose my reactions, how I deal with it and so on. They also say that if there is an upset around it there is something you have not said lurking about. Hmmm????
So...I also have an agreement to not knowingly create upsets. I wonder, does anyone ever REALLY head into meetings, dates, soirees, or whatever knowing they were going to create an upset? I don't know, it appears some people must or do. And well what if the something you have not said that is lurking about is something that you KNOW will create upset. Seems like you just might be between a rock and a hard place?
What do to with this little moral dilemma? Take it on, just say things, get it over with, create the upset and clean it up...if you can? Not say it, have the situations keep occurring and not create upset, since you have an agreement not to do this knowlingly? Good golly....this is feeling like one big merry go round ride and there is not even any fun in it.
Sometimes I just walk away from things like this. Other times I listen to what is really going on. That is generally where I find the most productive solutions and possibly even the way to say what I need to and have it all turn out well. Tonight...I am choosing to listen deeply. Not just to all of the words said during the upsetting situation today, but to my heart also. Walking away gets easy sometimes and I declared it not an option for me any longer. (...and trust me...I second guess that choice right and left!)
After all I have a promise right? I giggle and twinge as I think of that. I find the picture I took of a friend's hand saying "I promise." I think of another friend's promise bank. Crap I hate promising sometimes...and I know one thing for sure, with out a promise, I would not be so committed to resolving all of this.
So what is my heart saying that maybe, just maybe, the other's heart is saying too? Are we trying to say the same thing like mirrors reflecting one another? My guess is whatever it is there is a great love and affinity sitting underneath it all. It is like cleaning the closet and finding a beautiful gem lost. Only in this case it is more like weeding through human reactions to find the beautiful beings within.
For now, it is time to rest and sleep. Maybe even dream for more sunshine tomorrow. So sleep well my peeps.
Since September I have been participating in a course I have wanted to do for many years called Power & Contribution. Not because I wanted power...I thought actually I had none and well for me, contribution was really about takers, users and giving one's self and money away and not really knowing where it went. Wow! I had so much past thinking and events in my life collapsed on top of two words I would come to embrace and love knowing they reflected totally who I am in this world.
So what have I learned...I have a promise for the world. One I might never see achieved in my lifetime. One that I have set in a time frame and may need to change a millions times. A promise so closely rooted in the core of my soul that I can live fully as who I am and not flinch an inch. My promise is all about empowering, inspiring and celebrating the wonderful and magical life each one of us lead. My promise as a result is that by 2025, all human beings will be present to the sacred and divine essence of one another and working together in joy! Simple, to the point and the context in which I choose to live my life.
So I have chosen to use this blog as an expression and a place to share what I learn living inside of that promise. Funny...I have had this blog space for a very long time. I never used it. I signed on to read blogs of my friends and family. I did not figure I really had much to say so a blog was simply silly to me. As I have participated in this course and listened to those around me I have learned something very valuable....do not listen to myself...my own tapes. They fool me, disempower me, and lead to by-ins that are no good. Instead of this, I have learned that if I simply trust and step fully into who those around me see me as I can do bigger things in life. I do not stay small. I can spread my wings and fly!
So this is for all of humanity looking to spread wings and fly! For those who think dreams are unattainable, silly, whimpy, irresponsible and something only little children play with. This is to inspire those who want to attain great things. For those who are looking to live life fully. For those who take every moment of life...good, bad, ugly, beautiful and use it to empower themselves and others to embrace every moment as a sacred and wildly great journey.
Why? 'Cuz...Life is Magic! Just open your arms and fly!
